Assholes Unite

My internet STILL isn't working.  No offense AT&T, I work a bunch and I'm NOT calling you on my day off to argue as to why your shitty service isn't available.  I suppose I should, but I'm lazy.  I'll get around to it soon. Oh, and? I'm fucking NOT paying for the past month, either.  They can just eat shit and die if they think I'm paying for internet that isn't working.

And if you're wondering, yes, I'm at Starbucks.  And yes, there is a homeless guy sitting next to me.  And no, I'm not joking.  He politely asked if he could sit next to me- how could I refuse?  And?  He called me ma'am.  He's a polite bum, at least.  I can't smell him, so that's a good sign.  Right?  Right.

Ok.  So no big.  I drank an entire bottle of champagne today.  And no, I didn't go to a fancy Sunday brunch.  I just happened to notice a bottle in my cupboard as I was cleaning.  At that precise moment, I had an epiphany and was compelled to drink it.  I promptly ran to the store to buy orange juice-- I don't usually drink juice, too much sugar.  So, basically, I drank mimosas while KINDA cleaning the house.  It's pretty clean and I'm quite pleased with the outcome.  I HAD to drink the whole bottle.  Waste not, want not.

Anyways, I was thinking.  I'm always thinking.  Reading into shit I shouldn't.  Pondering.  Re-thinking.  Thinking about my feelings.  Blah blah blah.  Give me a chance, and I'll talk about my feelings ALL DAY LONG.  I make a great girl.  Also, with me, it's pretty black and white- not much grey.  If I like you, you'll know it.  If I don't, well, you'll know that too.  It's very difficult for me to hide my feelings and I don't do it well.  I'm passionate as shit- and I don't mean in the sexy type way-- well I am, but this is not the forum to disclose that.  When I like someone or something, I like it A LOT.  There's nothing I wouldn't do for someone I care about.  I don't say things I don't mean.  Ever.  And I don't coat stuff with bullshit.  Because I believe in being honest and forthcoming.   

If something is wrong, I'll try to fix it. If you're hurting, I'll give you a hug. If you're hungry I'll buy you food. If you ask for a tall, non fat caramel macchiato, I'll get you a grande.  There is no limit to my love.


With all this gushy-ness comes a price.  I really feel like I'm too much for people.  Because I share so much of myself, I often feel vulnerable and I hurt easily.  But really?  It doesn't stop me.  The core of my being includes being too much.  I'm real and trustworthy.  If I say I'll never hurt you, I won't.  Not on purpose at least.  I don't have everything figured out, but I can say I like myself.  With all of my shortcomings and flaws, I'm ok.  It's taken a long time to figure that out... and no, I'm not perfect- not even close.  And I'm ok with that.

What is my point?  I'm so happy to have a handful of assholes in my life who get me.  The people who don't think I'm too much- who always listen to me complain.  They love me no matter what and take all my asshole, intense behavior and accept it.  They don't judge even when I'm being lame and make bad decisions.  And if you aren't at least partly insane, weird, or anxious, I simply have no room for you in my life.  Normalcy for me is being weird. 

Anyways, I'm done.         

P.S. I love how this woman in Starbucks is wearing a Tigger hooded jacket.  TERRIBLE.

It's Official

So, my internet is still down.  We've spent several hours on the phone with stupid AT&T.  Do you think those assholes have fixed the problem?  Nope.  I think I'm going to cancel the shit and get a new internet provider.

As previously mentioned, I've been going to Starbucks to go on the internet-- working on my resume/cover letter, paying bills, etc.  I was afraid I was to become one of those Starbucks assholes.  And my nightmare has come true.  I'm a Starbucks asshole.

Normally I hate going places by myself.  Especially public places where I'm hanging out by myself.  I'm kinda needy that way and I always like company.  It's nice to have someone to chat with.  I've come to the conclusion, however, that hanging out by myself isn't that bad.  It's actually kinda nice.  I don't have to worry about entertaining someone.  I can just sit here with my ear buds in and listen to music and do stuff on the internet.  Not too bad.  Obviously, I would prefer company, but I'm ok to be by myself.  And I believe that's leaps and bounds from where I've been in the past. 

I even went to a concert by myself recently (thanks to PigPen's guidance and coaxing).  Well, it actually wasn't by choice, but in the end, I had a delightful time by myself.  I find that I'm lovely company.  I survived.  No one was pointing at me and laughing.  I felt kinda empowered and good about the whole situation.

So, yeah.  Hmmmmm weird blog.  I'm not in a funny- or think I'm funny type mood.  Just kinda thoughtful as I'm sitting here being a Starbucks asshole.  I'm going home now.  Where there's no goddamn internet.  Shit.

The End.

   

I Think I've Become A Serious Asshole

Guess where I am?  I'm at Starbucks (by my work).  On my fucking laptop.  Like some douchebag.  But really, my internet hasn't been working.  Ever since we had new carpet installed in the bedroom where the modem is, it hasn't worked properly.  Coincidence?  I'm not sure.  All the connections have been checked, and everything seems ok-- nothing out of the ordinary.  Since I work all goddamn day, I haven't been able to get to the bottom of the problem.  And honestly?  I really don't want to spend 4 hours on the fucking phone with AT&T.  Usually, customer service/call center people (not all of them, I don't want to be judgemental) are lame and they never know what you're talking about.  I just end up getting frustrated. And the problem doesn't get solved.

I know I'm going to have to eventually call because I don't want to become a Starbucks asshole.  For instance, there's a man who ALWAYS hangs out at the Starbucks by my work (he's here now!!).  He just sat next to me as a matter of fact-- he just waits for you to make eye contact and say hi.  I just turned my iPhone up so I don't have to say anything and pretended to be soooo involved in my highly intelligent, pulitzer prize winning blog not to notice him.  Even if you're involved in a converstation he'll just stare away until you say something.  I can't take it!!  Creep!  Oh good.  He got the hint and left.  Whew.  I bet he's outside though.  He also tries to talk to you when you're stranded at the corner waiting for the light to change.  Shhhhhiiit.  He came back and sat next to me again.  UGH.

I know.  I sound so mean.  But I really hate small talk (as mentioned in a previous blog).  I always feel dumb and don't know what to say.  AND, I'm socially inept.  AND, I don't like being forced into small talk with someone- that makes it worse.  Yes, please sir, stare at me until I address you- that makes me feel super uncomfortable.  Maybe you'll stop staring at me and making me feel extra weird if I just say hi-- but I DON'T WANT TO SAY HI.  Please allow me to add that I don't think I'm special.  I think this creep will patiently wait to talk to anyone with a vagina and last time I checked, I have a vagina.

Anyways, the moral of the story?  If I turn into a Starbucks creep, please kill me.

P.S. He got up again and left.  Oh wait, he's outside.  So now I'm trapped.  He's in front of the stoplight and I have to cross the street.  Shit.  I have to go back to work now.  HE CAME BACK AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!

Ghosts or Aliens?

What are you more afraid of:  Ghosts or Aliens?  This has been a topic of conversation between my sister and I on more than one occasion.  I will present both sides, scientifically and rationally, of course, and you can decide for yourself which is scarier.  At the end of the blog, I shall reveal which scares me more (like anyone cares anyways).   

Ghosts:  What's the most they can do?  Move shit around and possibly manifest into a white, cloudy mist-- or more scary, an actual human form?  Or, stay invisible and you can only feel their creepy energy?  Watch over you while you sleep, wishing they were still amongst the living?  Angry because they are caught between two worlds- angry because they met an awful death-- maybe murder or suicide?  Wandering aimlessly, trying to find their way.  Lonely. 

Good ghosts (which are still creepy by the way), bad ghosts, Paranormal Activity ghosts?? Hell no.  They are all scary in my opinion.  SCARY.  Patrick Swayze and that goddamn penny??  Ummmm no.  Thousands upon thousands of reported sightings and hauntings.  Some credible, some not so much.      

Aliens:  Scary as shit.  Have you ever watched one of those programs about alien abductions?  How unsuspecting individuals wake up on a surgery table, bright light above their head, with the scary aliens looking down at them?  And do you know what they're doing?  Probing them.  Taking tissue samples.  Taking measurements.  Examining sexual organs.  Anal probing.  Oh yes.  Anal probing.  AND, what else?  They put gelatanous brown goo in your mouth.  Brown goo!!!

No, I've never been abducted, but I've watched plenty of documentaries on the subject.  Do I believe in aliens?  I think so.  I mean the universe is so vast that it seems a little naive to think humans are the only intelligent life form.  Don't you think?  Somewhere out there... but I sure as shit don't want to find out.  And I certainly don't want to be anal probed OR have brown (or any color) goo put in my mouth.  

We are always afraid of the unknown and what we don't understand.  Do these things really exist?  Yes, I believe so.  I'm open to the idea.  I'd actually love to see a ghost.  I actively try to seek them out- and is one of the many nerd activities I like to partake in.  I have yet to see one, but maybe one day...  Aliens on the other hand?  Get them the fuck away from me.  I want absolutely nothing to do with them or their creepiness and anal probing, sick ways.  AND they can abduct you?? Noooooo way.  I'm not a fan of aliens.  Ok, so there you have it, I'm more afraid of aliens.     

Now I'm too scared to go to bed...

15 Facts- Little Known Or Otherwise

1.  I love saying eat shit and die.  I don't know why.  It's funny.  I mean really, would there be a more awful way to die?   Not only must you eat shit, but die afterwards.  How about skipping the eating shit part and just die?  I think I would prefer that. 

Uses:  For people/things that piss me off. 

Example:  Worked sucked today.  I wish it would eat shit and die.
Example:  That bitch just took my parking spot.  She should eat shit and die.

There are many uses and I enjoy them all.

2.  I'm afraid of the dark.  I always sleep with a light or the tv on.  I'm not exactly certain of what I'm afraid of, however.  Just darkness in general, I suppose. 

3.  Why can't I think of anything about myself?  Am I really that boring?

4.  I enjoy learning new things about a wide variety of subjects.  Well, except economics and politics and other lame topics I can't think of right now.

5.  I like to spoil people I care about and there's nothing I wouldn't do for them. 

6.  I'm a hopeless romantic, but hide it well.

7.  I HATE baby carrots.  The thought of them infuriates me.  DISGUSTING.  Just try to give me one... I may slap you.

8.  I have situational anxiety.  Please don't ask me to park in your driveway.  I can't explain it... certain things just freak me out.  Very irrational, I know.  I ran out of Ativan, so please be gentle.

9.  I'm very detail oriented.  If I tell you a story, I'll probably include what I wore that day, what I ate and anything else UNRELATED to the actual happenings of the story.

10. I hate cleaning, but when I do, I'm a maniac and everything has to be perfect.

11. I wish I knew more French.

12. I'd like to take a photography class.  But I'd have to take an Ativan first. 

13. I want a garden with lots of veggies.  I especially want potatoes so I can dig them up from the soil.  Why does that sound like sooooo much fun? 

14. I just want to enjoy the beauty in life- be close to nature and people.  I want to take the time to enjoy beautiful things in general and be thankful for them.  

15. I will learn how to crochet and/or knit one day.  And Laura isn't going to be the teacher because she yells at me and calls me dumb :(               

BONUS FACT
16. I really like to hug and cuddle.  I'm super affectionate.

My Blog Sucks

I really need to find a good topic to write about. Writer's (for lack of a better term) block.  Hmmmmmm.

Until then...

Chicken Tendons, Veins, and Red Spots

I was a pretty strict vegetarian for just over 3 years.  To my utter disappointment and disgust, I'm currently a practicing carnivore.  For lack of better words, one day I just fell off the wagon-- and I've eaten meat ever since.  It kinda bothers me because really and truly I don't like the fact that an animal has to give it's life so I may consume it.  It makes me sad to know that animals are treated poorly and inhumanely.  I mean, really, I don't need it to survive- I could very well and almost happily lead a meat-free existence.  But God dammit, I love a tasty cheeseburger or chicken strips occasionally.  Shit, how hypocritical is that???????    

Although I do eat meat, it is very limited.  When I make dinner at home, it's almost exclusively vegetarian and quite simple.  I don't like buying meat because it's expensive.  And I don't necessarily enjoy cutting up and handling something dead.  Dead.  It's very easy to forget- thanks to packaging and the help of a butcher.  Afterall, it no longer looks like an animal, right?  Right?  This heap of flesh used to have feathers (or fur/hair) and was once a living, breathing animal.   The other reason I don't like to cook meat? 

This:

OMG. Sooooo gross.

The other day, in attempt to eat healthier, I bought 3 organic, all vegetarian fed chicken breasts for $10.50.  Please, chicken killers, could you please trim off some of the yellow globs of fat?  Or am I the only weirdo who finds it absolutely repulsive? 

Now presenting:  The Red Spot...

Sorry for the poor quality of the picture, but hopefully you get the idea.  What is that red thing?  Sooooo gross!!!  So needless to say, I mutilated the poor chicken breast and cut out every single disgusting, tendon-y thing, red spot, and fat glob.  I swear to God that I wasted so much of the chicken.  And I feel bad for being wasteful, but I just can't eat it.

But the light at the end of the gross, veiny tunnel?  After I cut up the chicken into little pieces and cooked it, it was delicious.