Sunday, March 27, 2011

Assholes Unite

My internet STILL isn't working.  No offense AT&T, I work a bunch and I'm NOT calling you on my day off to argue as to why your shitty service isn't available.  I suppose I should, but I'm lazy.  I'll get around to it soon. Oh, and? I'm fucking NOT paying for the past month, either.  They can just eat shit and die if they think I'm paying for internet that isn't working.

And if you're wondering, yes, I'm at Starbucks.  And yes, there is a homeless guy sitting next to me.  And no, I'm not joking.  He politely asked if he could sit next to me- how could I refuse?  And?  He called me ma'am.  He's a polite bum, at least.  I can't smell him, so that's a good sign.  Right?  Right.

Ok.  So no big.  I drank an entire bottle of champagne today.  And no, I didn't go to a fancy Sunday brunch.  I just happened to notice a bottle in my cupboard as I was cleaning.  At that precise moment, I had an epiphany and was compelled to drink it.  I promptly ran to the store to buy orange juice-- I don't usually drink juice, too much sugar.  So, basically, I drank mimosas while KINDA cleaning the house.  It's pretty clean and I'm quite pleased with the outcome.  I HAD to drink the whole bottle.  Waste not, want not.

Anyways, I was thinking.  I'm always thinking.  Reading into shit I shouldn't.  Pondering.  Re-thinking.  Thinking about my feelings.  Blah blah blah.  Give me a chance, and I'll talk about my feelings ALL DAY LONG.  I make a great girl.  Also, with me, it's pretty black and white- not much grey.  If I like you, you'll know it.  If I don't, well, you'll know that too.  It's very difficult for me to hide my feelings and I don't do it well.  I'm passionate as shit- and I don't mean in the sexy type way-- well I am, but this is not the forum to disclose that.  When I like someone or something, I like it A LOT.  There's nothing I wouldn't do for someone I care about.  I don't say things I don't mean.  Ever.  And I don't coat stuff with bullshit.  Because I believe in being honest and forthcoming.   

If something is wrong, I'll try to fix it. If you're hurting, I'll give you a hug. If you're hungry I'll buy you food. If you ask for a tall, non fat caramel macchiato, I'll get you a grande.  There is no limit to my love.

With all this gushy-ness comes a price.  I really feel like I'm too much for people.  Because I share so much of myself, I often feel vulnerable and I hurt easily.  But really?  It doesn't stop me.  The core of my being includes being too much.  I'm real and trustworthy.  If I say I'll never hurt you, I won't.  Not on purpose at least.  I don't have everything figured out, but I can say I like myself.  With all of my shortcomings and flaws, I'm ok.  It's taken a long time to figure that out... and no, I'm not perfect- not even close.  And I'm ok with that.

What is my point?  I'm so happy to have a handful of assholes in my life who get me.  The people who don't think I'm too much- who always listen to me complain.  They love me no matter what and take all my asshole, intense behavior and accept it.  They don't judge even when I'm being lame and make bad decisions.  And if you aren't at least partly insane, weird, or anxious, I simply have no room for you in my life.  Normalcy for me is being weird. 

Anyways, I'm done.         

P.S. I love how this woman in Starbucks is wearing a Tigger hooded jacket.  TERRIBLE.