Friday, February 11, 2011

I Think I've Become A Serious Asshole

Guess where I am?  I'm at Starbucks (by my work).  On my fucking laptop.  Like some douchebag.  But really, my internet hasn't been working.  Ever since we had new carpet installed in the bedroom where the modem is, it hasn't worked properly.  Coincidence?  I'm not sure.  All the connections have been checked, and everything seems ok-- nothing out of the ordinary.  Since I work all goddamn day, I haven't been able to get to the bottom of the problem.  And honestly?  I really don't want to spend 4 hours on the fucking phone with AT&T.  Usually, customer service/call center people (not all of them, I don't want to be judgemental) are lame and they never know what you're talking about.  I just end up getting frustrated. And the problem doesn't get solved.

I know I'm going to have to eventually call because I don't want to become a Starbucks asshole.  For instance, there's a man who ALWAYS hangs out at the Starbucks by my work (he's here now!!).  He just sat next to me as a matter of fact-- he just waits for you to make eye contact and say hi.  I just turned my iPhone up so I don't have to say anything and pretended to be soooo involved in my highly intelligent, pulitzer prize winning blog not to notice him.  Even if you're involved in a converstation he'll just stare away until you say something.  I can't take it!!  Creep!  Oh good.  He got the hint and left.  Whew.  I bet he's outside though.  He also tries to talk to you when you're stranded at the corner waiting for the light to change.  Shhhhhiiit.  He came back and sat next to me again.  UGH.

I know.  I sound so mean.  But I really hate small talk (as mentioned in a previous blog).  I always feel dumb and don't know what to say.  AND, I'm socially inept.  AND, I don't like being forced into small talk with someone- that makes it worse.  Yes, please sir, stare at me until I address you- that makes me feel super uncomfortable.  Maybe you'll stop staring at me and making me feel extra weird if I just say hi-- but I DON'T WANT TO SAY HI.  Please allow me to add that I don't think I'm special.  I think this creep will patiently wait to talk to anyone with a vagina and last time I checked, I have a vagina.

Anyways, the moral of the story?  If I turn into a Starbucks creep, please kill me.

P.S. He got up again and left.  Oh wait, he's outside.  So now I'm trapped.  He's in front of the stoplight and I have to cross the street.  Shit.  I have to go back to work now.  HE CAME BACK AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!


  1. P.S. I took a picture of him and posted it on Twitter. Don't get too excited, it's just from the back. Twitter: @chrustalicious

  2. that guy sounds suuuuuuuper weird!
    i blogged from a panera one day... i felt like SUCH a douche. :P

  3. I'm with ya. Another similar situation I hate? Sitting next to a talker on an airplane. It's tough to fake like I'm asleep on an entire cross-country flight. And it wouldn't be in very good taste to pretend I speak another language (my luck, he-or she-would know it) or that I'm deaf.
    Good luck on getting to the bottom of that carpet-induced internet malfunction.

  4. I hate chatting on airplanes too! I just wanna read my gd magazine! And everytime I go into starbucks a stay at home mom needs to make a comment about my appearance. Earrings, purse, hair, etc! Bitches