I Almost Died Today, Then I Laughed

How many times have you seen the movie Home Alone? I swear I've seen it 600 times.  I absolutely love it- it's seriously one of the best family movies ever.  It's incredibly charming, funny, and Maculay Culkin is adorable. 

Do you remember the scene where Kevin is returning home from shopping and he almost gets hit by the Wet Bandit's rapist van?  The van comes 2 inches from his face and he screams?  Well, that's what happened to Laura and I today, however, the scream was replaced by uncontrollable laughter.

Laura and I went to Target today.  As we were walking through the goddamn rain, a van (oddly enough) apparently didn't see the STOP sign, nor did he see us WALKING ACROSS THE GODDAMN STREET.  Mind you, it was a super rainy day- very dark out.  I was wearing a fucking bright turquoise sweatshirt, which I'm fairly certain was pretty noticeable.  Umm I guess it wasn't because they almost ran us down.  I'm not exaggerating, the fucking van was a foot away from me, then abruptly stopped.  Those assholes had tinted windows, and perhaps that's why they didn't see us... or perhaps it was stupidity, or a little of both.

What would a normal person do?  Maybe yell at the driver "what the fuck are you doing??!!"? Or simply call them assholes and proceed into the store.  What did we do?  We fucking laughed hysterically, that's what we did.  I was smiling at the driver, threw my hands in the air and said (with the smile still on my face) "what are you doing?"  Meanwhile, Laura was laughing like a hyena.  I then said "JESUS CHRIST" while STILL laughing.  A lady and her son were exiting the store and apparently saw what happened and THEY WERE LAUGHING TOO!!!  

Mind you, this would've been the perfect opportunity for me to use my favorite saying "eat shit and die", but I was too busy laughing.  What is wrong with me?!  


We entered Target and we were still laughing.  I asked my sis why we were laughing.  Afterall, we almost got mowed down and she said she didn't know.  After we calmed down, we were trying to rationalize the laughter and the ridiculous behavior.  Me: "Well maybe it was just nervous laughter, like we didn't know how to react. And ummm do you remember in Home Alone when Kevin almost gets hit by the Wet Bandit's van?"  Sister: "I was thinking about that too!!!!!".  Sometimes it's scary how we think so much alike.  Weird.

So there you have it.  Two morons, no answers, a near death experience, and lots of laughing.  I swear to God.