You May Not Know This

So, I have a self diagnosed eating/sleeping disorder.  I Googled all the symptoms-- who needs a Doctor.  I know, it's totally irritating when people look up and diagnose themselves, but  I also talked to a medical student about this, so I'm good.  Mind you, key word STUDENT.  And I'm cheap and don't want to pay a $20 co-payment to tell someone I'm weird.

Apparently, this is a genetic condition (I read that on the internet).  Both my mom and sister suffer from it.  So here goes...

I wake up in the middle of the night and eat.  It's very random and can happen up to 3-4 times nightly.  I'm not quite sure what triggers it, or why it's so variable.  Sometimes, I'll only do it once, and sometimes not at all.  Or sometimes if I take a nap during the day, I wake up hungry.  It's not limited to night.  And I must mention that even if I eat a giant meal, I will still wake up hungry.  I'm not just hungry, I'm starving.  It's hard to explain.  It's like my brain is telling my body I'm hungry even though I'm not.  Malfunction.  Something is mis-firing.  OMG.  If I hear my sister getting up and opening either the refrigerator or opening a bag of something, I automatically wake up and want some too.  And if she hears me, it's the same. 

Anyways, so I wake up and I'm starving-- I simply can't get back to sleep unless I eat.  I wish I craved healthy foods, like an apple or carrot or something equally nutritious and relatively calorie free.  Umm no, this isn't the case.  I crave carbs.  Mostly peanut butter.  And I will let it be known that I only eat Skippy Naturals (the non partially hydrogenated kind), CRUNCHY.  Yes, I said crunchy.  Anyone have a problem with that?  Seriously, creamy can eat shit and die.  I hate it--- I don't know why creamy peanut butter makes me so mad but it does.  Ok, yeah so I eat a ton of peanut butter-- sometimes I will eat it with a banana, but mostly I will just eat it by the spoonful.  I almost always wash it down with Diet Coke- but I always wash everything down with a Diet Coke, so that's not unusual.  It totally satisfies me so I can go back to sleep.   And I can go to sleep almost instantly after I've eaten.

Here's a list of other things I've eaten: 

1. Croutons
2. Chips of any type
3. Hot fudge out of the jar with a spoon

4. Bread
5. Ice Cream
6. Nuts
7. Whip cream from the can
8. Leftovers from restaurants- which isn't limited to Chinese food, pizza, Italian-- anything I can get my hands on

These items aren't entirely unusual, but in the middle of the night, it's kinda weird.  Plus, there's probably more.  Sometimes I don't really remember waking up until I get up in the morning and I have shit stuck in my teeth.  Fabulous for my oral health I'm sure.  Luckily, I don't have many cavities.  More importantly, luckily I don't weigh 5 million pounds.

I've seen on TV where people have to put a god damn lock on the fridge... Jesus Christ-- thankfully I'm not to that point.  Apparently, if this gets unmanageable you can start anti-depressants to help control it.

So yeah... this adds to my weirdness.  A little something that you may not know about me...

P.S. I've been doing really well lately.  And I never, ever do it away from home (so don't worry, PP).:)