I Am Disgusting

I know I'm about to totally embarrass myself.  But, I think this story can be appreciated by other hairy friends.  Plus, if I can get one person to laugh, then my work is done for the day.  So here goes...

I've been at war with an ingrown hair ON MY FACE (more specifically, on my upper lip) for nearly 2 goddamn months.  It's one of those where you can see it upon very close inspection, BUT is protected by 25 layers of skin.  I couldn't get it!!  Every time I tried to pick at it, it would just create a big, disgusting zit.  Then turn scabby and red, which made it look worse.  So, I decided to just leave it until it came closer to the surface of the skin, which I may add almost killed me. Asking me to not pick at a hair is like asking me not to eat-- and that shit doesn't happen very often.

Let me give you a little background about my hair problem.  I have to constantly wax, tweeze, and otherwise de-hair myself on a regular basis.  I especially have problems with chin hairs.  Like, I could grow a goddamn goatee if I let my shit go.  And these aren't regular hairs, they are like weapons of mass destruction.  You have mace to ward off a mugger?  Well, I have a chin hair that could poke your fucking eye out, slit your throat, AND puncture a vital organ.  Don't mess with me...

So, I always have tweezers.  I have a pair that I keep in my car for emergencies.  Because we all know that natural light is best for detecting hairs and other abnormalities that we don't want to see.  I have all the bases covered- wax, tweezers, Veet.  I really hate hair.

Let me proceed with the ingrown hair story.  So, this morning I noticed that the hair looked closer to the surface.  It was a great moment for me, as I could almost taste victory-- finally getting the goddamn hair that has pestered me for so long.  Patience pays off my friends.  Behold, the mother of all disgusting facial hairs:

Omg. 

Omg x 1000000000.

Words can't even describe how I feel about this situation.  If you continue to be my friend after seeing this, I love you.  And I'll have you know I SAVED THE HAIR IN A FOLDED UP PIECE OF PAPER SO I COULD SHOW LAURA WHEN SHE GOT HOME.  That's how ridiculous I am.  I saved it like it was something spectacular.  Because, I am an asshole...

This is how disgusting I am.

The End.